Hindrances to Love

Other hindrances to charity include poor listening, fusing the world with the Word, lack of faith, and judging. We cover these next.

LISTEN TO ME

Many Christians are poor listeners. Through pride and judgment they answer questions before the question is fully uttered. This is not love. "He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him" (Proverbs 18:13). "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (James 1:19). "Perhaps true communication does not consist in the skilful use of words or in their abundance. Rather, it is an exchange of hearts. The speaker opens his or her heart to the other and speaks words that transmit the deepest self. If there is love and a true communication, the listener will receive that self with respect and cherish it. This sort of communication is most difficult. The first step toward achieving this true communication is to sweep away all the useless words, the endless chattering, and to begin to listen. ... In silence, we look inside. This is the beginning of the spiritual journey. ... In silence, we begin to listen, many for the first time, to who we really are as human beings, not who we wish we were. As we listen to our own hearts, then, we can communicate our true selves."124 Here are five necessary actions for effective listening125 that can act as a handrail to support Christians, leaders or not, endeavoring to be better listeners.

  1. Listen with a purpose

    2. What purpose, you ask? Well, how about adopting the purpose of connecting with the other person—really finding out about their reality. This is not always easy, nor is it always the first idea of purpose that pops into your head. In your next conversation, become aware of your internal monologue. [Is your purpose selfish? Is it focused on your perspective? Is it argumentative (that is, listening solely to prove them wrong)?]

    Forgive yourself, laugh at yourself, and [pray for assistance from the Lord to enable you] to want to connect in a meaningful way with the other person.

    [Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5)]

    [The sins of judgment, pride and bitterness are key barriers to effective communication. Evaluate your internal monologue against the Word of God and determine which sins are blocking your ability to love your neighbor. Or simply, ask the Lord in prayer to identify those things (sins, strong holds, devils) that impede your righteousness. Once identified, repent of your sins, renounce your strong holds and cast out all devils.]

  2. Practice listening for understanding, rather than evaluation

    3. We are all hopelessly hard-wired to evaluate. As creatures, we are subject to the same rules and conditions as all creatures—and one of those rules is to evaluate the world in terms of its capacity to threaten our survival right now.

    [Doth our law judge any man, before it hear him, and know what he doeth? (John 7:51)]

    Unfortunately, that hard-wiring has an inherent flaw. Most modern people like you and me are rarely faced with survival-threatening events. Yet, when somebody engaged in conversation with us expresses frustration, fear, anger, or merely a different opinion than we hold, we react as if a stampede of saber-toothed tigers are busy sharpening their claws in our direction.

    [ ... neither be partaker of other men's sins: keep thyself pure. (1 Timothy 5:22)]

    The fact is that every opinion anybody has is a learned one. That other person has a history, and very good reasons for their thoughts, opinions, beliefs, word choices, and behaviors, just like you do.

    Communication, contrary to the present worldview, is not meant to be combat. Our job is to practice just imagining what the other person's worldview must be, rather than trying to change it, fight it, or argue them out of it.

    [For ye are yet carnal: for whereas there is among you envying, and strife, and divisions, are ye not carnal, and walk as men? (1 Corinthians 3:3)]

    The key word in this "must," though, is practice. What is practice? Repeated behavior over time. Letting other people be, and opening yourself up to imagine other points of view than your own, is the hardest practice you'll ever do.

    [Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. (Galatians 6:2)]

  3. Be aware of words, phrases, and behaviors that distract me and make me defensive; and exercise emotional control even though I disagree

    4. The fastest way to get aware of those words, phrases and behaviors is to keep an "upset log" in which you jot down each and every "hot button" that you have as it gets pushed. Maybe it's being called stupid, or perhaps it's that adolescent "eye-rolling" behavior that gets to you. How about certain curse words?

    [Also take no heed unto all words that are spoken; lest thou hear thy servant curse thee: For oftentimes also thine own heart knoweth that thou thyself likewise hast cursed others. (Ecclesiastes 7:21-22)]

    How much energy have you spent trying to get all those other people to stop pushing your buttons? That is the worst possible investment of your energy. Look at your record. Your own history should show you the odds are very much against you.

    [Whoso keepeth the commandment shall feel no evil thing: and a wise man's heart discerneth both time and judgment. Because to every purpose there is time and judgment, therefore the misery of man is great upon him. (Ecclesiastes 8:5-6)]

    Instead, invest your energy in reconfiguring your wiring so that you can exercise emotional control. Practice.

    [But strong meat belongeth to them that are of full age, even those who by reason of use have their senses exercised to discern both good and evil. (Hebrews 5:14)]

  4. Concentrate on what they are saying, in spite of distractions

    5. Let's face it ... the deck is woefully stacked against us when it comes to true listening. Not only are we plagued by the endless internal monologue—we also have to contend with external distractions in our environment. Time, to-do lists, noisy equipment or crowded rooms can all get in the way of listening.

    [Give ye ear, and hear my voice; hearken, and hear my speech. (Isaiah 28:23)]

    The best way to concentrate in spite of distractions may be to deal with them first, so that you offer the other person the courtesy of your undivided attention. Do that by telling the person the truth: "I'm distracted right now because I have a meeting in five minutes. Can we talk in an hour, when I can give you my full attention?" Or, "It's hard for me to concentrate on you while that loud music is playing. Let's turn it down so I can listen better."

  5. Recognize that listening powerfully may be the key to my success

Whether your success is defined as moving up in your organization, making more money, having loads of friends, minimizing stress and maximizing your health, poor listening can be the missing piece that keeps you from experiencing that success.

[A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels (Proverbs 1:5)]

Intentional listening builds relationships. In your work, look at how much of your job depends on getting cooperation from other people. Whether you're the top dog or the underdog, you can't do it alone. The person you're dealing with may be a bona-fide, certifiable jerk, but treating them that way will not get you much in the way of cooperation from them. I guarantee that listening will.

[That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive (Ephesians 4:14)]

Reconfiguring your own wiring so that nobody gets you upset without your conscious cooperation has a liberating effect on your sense of control. When you feel more in charge of yourself, you experience less stress—and the toll that stress takes on your body is minimized. You feel more content, complete and satisfied.

When you feel content, complete and satisfied with yourself, you are a joy for others to be around. Your circle of friends expands. Your family welcomes you home, and life is good.

[With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love; Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Ephesians 4:2-3)]

LOVE NOT THE WORLD

Popular theology caters to the whims of the world even though we are commanded to "Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever" (1 John 2:15-17). The Word of God is flexed to fit into the world instead of the Word of God standing separate from the world. "And ye shall be holy unto me: for I the LORD am holy, and have severed you from other people, that ye should be mine" (Leviticus 20:26). We are reminded many times in scripture to separate ourselves from the world: from the traditions of men.

Woe to the rebellious children, saith the LORD, that take counsel, but not of me; and that cover with a covering, but not of my spirit, that they may add sin to sin: That walk to go down into Egypt, and have not asked at my mouth; to strengthen themselves in the strength of Pharaoh, and to trust in the shadow of Egypt! Therefore shall the strength of Pharaoh be your shame, and the trust in the shadow of Egypt your confusion. (Isaiah 30:1-3)

Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen, and be not dismayed at the signs of heaven; for the heathen are dismayed at them. (Jeremiah 10:2)

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the spirit which is of God; that we might know the things that are freely given to us of God. (1 Corinthians 2:12)

Christians that buy into the ways of the world are guilty of emulation and commit adultery by breaking covenant with God and thereby they become enemies of God (see "God Hates You" for more on this). "Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God" (James 4:4). The spirit of the world provides false teachers like our convictions, creeds, vain imaginations, experiences, emotions, wounds, false doctrine, the status quo, tradition, and many others that misdirect us from the truth, the Word of God. Peter warns us: "But there were false prophets also among the people, even as there shall be false teachers among you, who privily shall bring in damnable heresies, even denying the Lord that bought them, and bring upon themselves swift destruction. And many shall follow their pernicious ways; by reason of whom the way of truth shall be evil spoken of" (2 Peter 2:1-2). To obey the Lord means to sacrifice the way of the world; that is, to heed the Spirit of God not the spirit of the world. "For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise" (2 Corinthians 10:12). The key part of us that has to be sacrificed (put to death) is our carnal mind: "Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be" (Romans 8:7). "No natural man knows anything about carnality. The flesh lusting against the Spirit that came in at regeneration, and the Spirit lusting against the flesh, produces carnality. 'Walk in the Spirit,' says Paul, 'and ye shall not fulfil the lusts of the flesh'; and carnality will disappear."126

NOT OVERCOMING

Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat loveth him also that is begotten of him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God, and keep his commandments. For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous. For whatsoever is born of God overcometh the world: and this is the victory that overcometh the world, even our faith. Who is he that overcometh the world, but he that believeth that Jesus is the Son of God? (1 John 5:1-5)

Many Christians are being overcome with the trials of life instead of overcoming them with the Word of God though faith. "Jesus answered them, Do ye now believe? ... These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world" (John 16:31, 33). "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28). The reasons are clear for not overcoming: they do not love God; they do not love his Word; they do not believe nor obey his commandments. Oswald Chambers expounds further:

God does not give us overcoming life: He gives us life as we overcome. The strain is the strength. If there is no strain, there is no strength. Are you asking God to give you life and liberty and joy? He cannot, unless you will accept the strain. Immediately you face the strain, you will get the strength. Overcome your own timidity and take the step, and God will give you to eat of the tree of life and you will get nourishment. If you spend yourself out physically, you become exhausted; but spend yourself spiritually, and you get more strength. God never gives strength for to-morrow, or for the next hour, but only for the strain of the minute. The temptation is to face difficulties from a common-sense standpoint. The saint is hilarious when he is crushed with difficulties because the thing is so ludicrously impossible to anyone but God.127

Victory is encapsulated in our faith; if we have faith—unwavering belief in God and his Word—we live a new life: an abundant life in the world but not of the world. "And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent" (John 17:3). "Often we read over these words not recognizing in them our eternal destiny. When we weigh the reality of these words against the reality of our knowledge of God and Jesus Christ, we should find in them the drive that never rests. To know God and Jesus Christ is eternal life! Do I know God and Jesus Christ who He sent? The truth of whether I know God or not is made clear in every trial."128 Does the trial cause me to reset my affection on earthly things or do I keep my affection focused on heavenly things? "If ye then be risen with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ sitteth on the right hand of God. Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth" (Colossians 3:1-2). "So, no matter the trial, if you could see it as an opportunity to know God and Jesus Christ, it will change your outlook, and set your feet on solid ground. If you can remember when you appear to be in darkness, that God made darkness His secret place (Psalm 18:11), a light will shine and you will see a hand stretched out with your name written in it and hear a voice saying, 'Come unto me' (Isaiah 49:16; Matthew 11:28) If you can remember that it is all for your good if you love God and that your eternal destiny depends on you knowing God and Jesus Christ, and that Jesus will not leave you comfortless, you can take it"128 (For more on the benefits of overcoming, study Revelation 2:7, 2:11, 2:17, 2:26, 3:5, 3:12, 3:21). After all, life without Jesus is not life at all but rather death unrealized not "Your Best Life Now." The first persons to experience this were Adam and Eve. They lost access to eternal life: "And the LORD God said, Behold, the man is become as one of us, to know good and evil: and now, lest he put forth his hand, and take also of the tree of life, and eat, and live for ever: Therefore the LORD God sent him forth from the garden of Eden, to till the ground from whence he was taken. So he drove out the man; and he placed at the east of the garden of Eden Cherubims, and a flaming sword which turned every way, to keep the way of the tree of life" (Genesis 3:22-24).

Aaron Clark concludes,

What keeps a person from walking in "The liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free" [(Galatians 5:1)]? The liberty to be at peace with his enemies, to be joyous, and have that certainty that makes the world think that he must be rich? This liberty comes from knowing God's love. More often than not, I find sincere Christians struggling to live in that liberty because of what I call "The Cycle Of Death." This cycle is short, but first I want to look at its opposite: The Cycle Of Life.

"The Cycle Of Life" works this way: We come to God by the blood of the Lamb and nothing else. In His presence, we can sense His great love for us and all mankind and our hearts are changed. When our hearts are changed, our actions change. When our actions change we can rejoice even more in His presence and fill up on the life that lights every man. When we are full of that Life, we walk in that liberty and the peace that passeth all understanding. Now let's look at the other cycle: The Cycle Of Death.

Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? [(Galatians 3:2)]

The start of "The Cycle Of Death" is returning to a faith in works for righteousness rather than faith in the blood of the Son of God. In so doing, I will only feel liberty in coming to God when I'm doing exceptionally well in the flesh. When I fail, I cannot bring myself to come to God because of my unrighteousness. This is where the death begins.

I don't feel righteous, so I don't come to God. I don't come to God so my heart doesn't change. My heart doesn't change so my actions don't change and my actions are what I'm depending on for my righteousness. This is when you have to just keep going to church, doing church stuff, looking the part, but inside you're in the gall of bitterness. You can't figure out how to connect with God but you have to keep acting like you're connected. You struggle to even tell anyone. If you don't tell someone soon, you'll become that whited sepulchre (Matthew 22:27).

To come out of the cycle it only takes one thing; Blood. The Blood of the Lord Jesus Christ will break that cycle and liberate you down to the dust on your feet. I must warn you that nothing else can be offered with it. Nothing else will be accepted. The Blood of Jesus is the ONLY sacrifice that will bring us into the liberty of God's elect. All else restarts "The Cycle Of Death."

The war against our souls is to keep within the simplicity, which is in Christ. "Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh" (Galatians 3:3)? Get righteous by the Blood and stay righteous by the Blood or you will live among the dead in "The Cycle Of Death."129

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